Copyright All Rights Reserved by Aeryck de Sade
I hadn’t really given much thought to the dreams that I had been having lately, but I knew that they were seeming to be ones that made me think throughout the day that there was something I should be remembering. Although I never really could remember what it was that it seemed like I should remember.
I seemed to recall that when we moved here, to this far off country place, that it seemed like it would be fun, or at least a nice change of pace from the city. There were fields all around me and there was a sense of quiet that seemed to dominate the landscape, and I could walk forever and not see another person. That part was good, as I was growing a little tired of never having any space to myself. If it wasn’t my parents breathing down my fricken neck then it was the stupid shit I had to deal with in school. God knows how many times I would’ve liked to knock some idiot teacher upside their head with the spine of my book, if for nothing else than just not ignoring me in class when it was perfectly clear that I had absolutely no interest in whatever the hell it was they were blabbing about.
That’s fine, those people were idiots anyway, and now I get to be in a new place where people don’t know me from nothing and I can make myself into whoever I want to be. That’s one good thing about having parents that can’t keep themselves in one spot for too long; I get to try out different personalities, and people don’t ask me what happened over the summer. All of those kids at the other school were starting to get way too into their stupid selves anyway.
Sometimes, though, I did kinda wonder what it was that I was missing in myself. I could feel it, a little more everyday it seemed, that there was something that I was either supposed to be doing or something that I needed to figure out. That’s the problem with those vague feelings, though, is that you feel that way but you never really know why you feel that way.
Walking along the lane that leads down the side of the field makes it seem a little less present, all of those far off people and their stupid preoccupations with their clothes and their smug attitudes. At least out here no one can question the thoughts that I have or the feelings that I have, because out here I’m all alone. That’s how I like it, though. I like the solitude and the quiet, where the only voice that I hear is my own, and not some dumb slut whispering at the table next to me about what she wants to do with the teacher, if only she could get him alone for a few minutes. After all, she’s too mature for the guys in her class at this school, because she knows what she wants and how to do it as only a person like our 4th period English teacher could understand. And on and on it goes with her and her annoying little mouth; a mouth that’s probably all too eager to pass around herpes that she got when she was 11. Although she still doesn’t understand how in the world she got Chlamydia, after all it’s not like she sleeps around with too many people.
This place seems different, though, and I’m sure that it will be easier to be myself and be a little less noticed, at least for a while, until I can figure everyone out and let them see me for who I really am. No one’s gonna treat me the way they treated me in the last school, that’s for sure. I’ve learned way too much since then, and these people won’t get the chance to push me around.
I just wish that I could think a little clearer, though. The cloudy feeling that keeps filling my head is just a bit unnerving, and there’s no reason why it won’t start to settle now that I’m out of the city. The air feels so much brisker and cleaner here, and I’m sure that’s what it was before, all the nasty crap that I was breathing in everyday, making my head feel like it had cotton stuffed up inside of it.